I owe an explanation....

In the recent days, I've become much more aware of spiritual battles. It's not that I was never under attack before. It's just that I didn't take time- like most people- to reflect about the things that happen in my every day life. At most, I figured I was just having a bad day. But, when you're having a bad day for many days straight, you definitely need to stop and think about it.

I can honestly say that at this point in my life, I cannot recall of a time when I've felt closer to the Lord than now. Of course, I'm not counting the spiritual highs I get whenever I go to a good retreat. But, again, even though retreats are great and we all need to get away from the world from time to time, it's sort of a surreal setting, you know? You're sort of forced to shut out the outside world and quiet yourself to hear from God. I've noticed how no matter how spiritually high I get from retreats, whenever I come back to the real world, I lose the feeling quickly.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still really struggling keeping up with my prayer life and keeping my quiet times with God consistent. I still fail numerous times a day to do the things I know God wants me to do, but somehow, I'm not feeling legalistic about things because I'm for once truly experiencing what it means to be living in God's grace. It's really a remarkable thing.

So anyway....back to spiritual attacks. Funny thing is that whenever you're close to God, the devil never fails to bring something (or someone) to distract you from God and what He's got instored for you. So, I mentioned my parents are here visiting. Need I say more? Okay....I love my parents. I love it when they come, especially because I dont' get to see them that often, but my family is definitely far from perfect. In fact, the more I study about families and the more I observe families, even Christian families, I am more convinced each day that there is no such a thing as a "functional" family. Even Billy Graham's daughter thinks her family is dysfuctional. So...if the Grahams are dysfunctional, goodness! What does that mean for the rest of us?!

My parents have been in the States for a week, and for a week now, I've been having bad insecurity issues, so much that it's turned into resentment. I won't go into specifics....Some are real issues, and some are probably perceived. But, bottom line, it's been eating me alive the past days. I've been so moody and emotional. But worse, it was really taking my focus off from God and the things He's calling me to do.

Our church has an ongoing prayer wheel where each person picks a slot of time to fast and pray every week. Yesterday was my turn, and as I came before God, I was really emotionally exhausted. So, I unloaded......*sigh*. And what a relief it was. I felt like I really needed to worship God. So, I grabbed Jason's dusty guitar (haven't played it in years), sat on the floor of my bedroom and sang a few songs. A few minutes into it, I could feel God's powerful presence and comfort, spreading over me like a thick, cozy blanket. I can't quite put it into words, but after a much needed crying and worship session, I felt spiritually refreshed. Somehow, I get this really reassuring feeling that I must be doing something right. God must be doing something good in me or through me for satan to come after me this way. So, I did what is so opposite of what I would do in these circumstances. I thanked God for all the craziness I've been experiecing these days. For me, it's a sign of spiritual growth. It's a sign that God is working in my life....this may be the kind of odd joy that the early Christians felt when they faced opposition (even though my suffering pales in comparison with theirs!).

And the thing is...now that I've actually written "I feel closer to God now than ever", I know something's coming again. I can feel it. That's what the devil does best. But, I'm peaceful about it. Like the psalmist wrote, "If God's with me, who can be against me?"

So, thanks for praying. I really needed them. Your prayers were heard and definitely answered. If you have time, please share with me what God has been teaching you lately. It encourages me to hear about God's working in others' lives.